I found my soulmate on the Internet

It is fashionable to hate the Internet.

The time it sucks up. The hatred that it spreads. The very fact that it created the need for the three-letter acronym irl to denote a relationship that exists “in real life” because that is no longer the default assumption when you say you know someone.

And then I log onto Twitter on Friday morning, and find that someone has tagged me below a video featuring a man wearing a Seattle Sonics T-shirt standing on a stage that turned out to be located in Oregon, confessing to a concern he had going into the evening:

The boos were noticeable at this point. Not overwhelming.

Someone in the crowd yelled, “Huskies suck!”

The man in the Sonics shirt continued.

Hell, yes. This is someone who speaks my language. He’s got the self-awareness to say all this with a smile, but he’s not really kidding, either.

For the record, I am legitimately embarrassed not to have known about Dustin Nickerson sooner. He is a comedian from Seattle who now lives in Southern California. He has a podcast with his wife, Melissa Nickerson, called “Don’t Make Me Come Back There.” He has published a book. He performs regularly. I’m thinking about going to see him in Providence, R.I. next month, and he’s got a show at the Neptune in Seattle on Oct. 25. 

During a performance in Oklahoma City in back 2021, he spoke to the audience about something that was near and dear to both to their hearts and mine.

“I don’t believe the election was stolen,” he said.

No audible reaction from the crowd.

“Already tense, I know … I don’t believe the election was stolen, but if you do, I understand why you hate the current administration so much because you think they don’t deserve it. You think it was stolen, they have no business being successful, so now, after that, you hate them, because they’re evil and all you do is root against them for the worst things to happen, right? And I understand that because I’m from Seattle, and that’s how I feel about the Thunder.”

The crowd loved it. There was not just laughter but clapping. They weren’t sure where this whole thing was going, and he pulled in there and absolutely stuck the landing.

“And now I know you’re confused, Oklahoma, because in that metaphor, you’re all liberals.”

He mimed his head exploding.

I also recognize that I better laugh while I can. We are staring down the barrel of disaster. Not only are the Thunder four wins away from winning a national title, there’s a good chance that when the NBA Finals begin on June 6 we’re going to be hearing Sonics history referenced as if it belongs to the Thunder.

This is—as Jacson Bevens observed—stolen valor. And while I won’t say that I expect Thunder to lose when they face either the Pacers or Knicks, I have not given up hope yet, either. The Pacers have the speed and depth to keep pace with Oklahoma City, and the Knicks have enough size to give them some real problems if they’re able to finish digging their way out of a 3-1 hole in the Eastern Conference finals.

Either way, I’m going to be rooting like hell that somebody turns out to be the fly in OKC’s ointment, a monkey in the wrench as the great philosopher John McCain once observed.

You don’t want to read about the Mariners do you.

Good. ‘Cuz I don’t want to write about them after they gave up seven runs in the top of the 10th, turning what had been a 2-2 nailbiter into a 9-3 extra-innings loss.

It was Seattle’s second loss to Washington in three games, and their fifth loss in the last seven going back to the four games in Houston. I’m in full-blown damage control mode, telling myself not to get too worried about the fact George Kirby has resembled a pinata in his last two outtings.

He didn’t have spring training and he’s still working his way back from injury and I shouldn’t overreact, right? RIGHT?!?!?!

This week in the News Tribune, I wrote about one of the more self-absorbed athletes I’ve ever covered: Shaun Alexander. 

Of course I didn’t phrase it quite that bluntly though I did say his preoccupation with himself led him to do some things that alienated his teammates, his coaches and even the fans who cheered for the team.

In fact, the premise of my column was that Alexander has actually been deemed overrated by a sufficient number of Seahawks fans that he’s now underrated. I went so far as to wonder how many fans would actually include him on their list of the 10 best players in franchise history.

Now, I didn’t do this in a vacuum. I conducted a little research (i.e. I posed the question on Twitter). For the record: Most, but not all responses included Alexander. I then felt it was only fair to post my own list:

I noted I felt really bad about Kenny Easley’s absence and less bothered by omitting Russell Wilson.

It occurred to me over the next 24 hours that my reasons for reasons for excluding Wilson bore a striking resemblance to the M.O. I’d ascribed to those people who allowed their opinions about Alexander’s personality to influence their opinions about his career.

There’s a reason for that: Alexander and Wilson are similar in how self-interested they could be, and the way this alienated people in and around the franchise.

But after thinking it over, I decided that Wilson absolutely has to be in the top 10 of all-time Seahawks. In fact, he’s got to be on there above Alexander and as it currently stands, at the expense of Hasselbeck. Ugh. I’m trying to be objective though.

Now I will admit that it’s going to be tough going forward, knowing that Dawgs4life23 is going to always hold it against me that I didn’t include Russell Wilson on a list that I posted on Twitter on a random Tuesday in May in the year of our lord 2025, but I will do my best to soldier on.